literature

Ignition point

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Literature Text

A five year old girl with blue hair and green eyes wandered towards her flats front door, wondering who would be knocking at, she glanced at a clock with blurry vision as she padded into the hallway, 10:00pm.

It was past her bedtime, she was tired and her parents had gone to do some last minute shopping while she slept.

Opening the door slightly she looked out. In the hallway was a tall, thin man wearing a dark blue coat that came down to his knees, black trousers and shoes, a white shirt, black tie, and glasses. Tahna stared at him, partially because he was wearing sunglasses inside at night, but mostly because his hair was a dark purple colour. The man smiled down at her.

“Hello there little girl. Could you help me with something?” Tahna shook her head. Her mommy had always told her not to talk to strangers. Plus something about his voice and the way he spoke was creepy.

“I’m not allowed to talk to strangers. Sorry.” She said quietly. The man simply smiled and nodded his head.

“Understandable, and most sensible. I’m sorry to have disturbed you, good night.” With this he turned and began walking towards the stairs. The girl shut the door and yawned sleepily, heading back towards her bed.

The man walked down the hallway, a nefarious smirk on his lips. Pushing the sunglasses further up his nose he chuckled to himself. “Sleep well Miss Harris…if everything goes to plan, then you’ll be asleep for a long…long time.” He made his way down from the second floor, and pulled a small silver pocketwatch from his pocket. “Let’s see…it should be right about”

A series of small explosions went off in the building, setting off alarms and waking many of the neighbours. “Now.” The man smiled to himself as he saw a flickering orange light through many of the windows. “Yes…that will do nicely.”

Turning around, his coat flared dramatically. He began walking off, a deep laugh bouncing off the building, and mingling with the night sky.


Daniel and Marie Harris could hear the sirens from a block away. Their car’s tires screeched as they slammed the brakes on, and they were leaping out of the vehicle before it had even finished moving.  The fire trucks, ambulances, and police vehicles were parked outside their block of flats, sending a cold wave of terror through them.

Rushing towards the glaring yellow police tape, they were stopped by a large man. “I’m sorry, I can’t let you in there.” He said, his voice rough, but at the same time apologetic.

“Please, our daughter is in there!” Marie pleaded. The police officer frowned slightly.

“Are you The Harris’s?” he asked, a hopeful tone under his words.

Daniel nodded, taking in the man’s lack of a defining uniform. “Who are you? What happened? Where’s our daughter?”

“I’m Captain Jensen Dahling, New Hope Police Department.” The large man stated levelly. “a fire broke out in the building, most people are dead or seriously burnt.” He looked them in the eye. “Your daughter is one of the luckier from what we can tell. She being taken to the hospital now, I’m headed that way so you can come in my car. My men can handle the clean up here.” With this said, he lead the distraught parents to his car, and set off for the Hospital.


Fear.

That’s what the young Tahna Harris was feeling. She’d gone back to her room and was falling asleep, when the building seemed to shake for a moment as extremely loud bangs filled the air. For a moment there was silence, and then smoke slowly started seeping into the apartment.

Tahna’s eyes widened as the dark grey, almost black substance curled up under the door, a flickering orange light accompanying it. The small girls mind was reeling with terror as the tendrils of flame ate away ate the wooden door of her room like a ravenous beast, and slowly approached her.

The small girl edged as far away, trying to block out the crackling sound, the screaming, and the sounds of distant sirens. Although she knew that her parents were out, one thought ran through her mind as the flame reached closer, and the smoke pushed her into an oxygen lacking blackness.

“I have to get my mom”


Tahna woke, bleary-eyed and her vision slightly off. The nightmare she’d had was a disturbing one, but before she ran off to her parents room, she found herself wondering where she was. The ceiling was completely white, the bed uncomfortable, and the room smelling of bleach, like the stuff her dad used when cleaning the sinks. There was also a strange beeping noise that was really loud. She could hear voices getting louder, three men and a woman. A door opened, and suddenly her parents were there, sobbing with happiness. A large man, who looked stern but at the same time gentle, stood in the background, talking to a doctor about something.

The next few hours passed in a blur for the young girl, the doctors saying things she didn’t understand, the big man asking her questions, and her parents hugging her.

The fire hadn’t been a nightmare.

Somehow she’d survived.

But, as she discovered when the doctors took off the bandages around her head and allowed her to look in a mirror, not unscathed.

For the first time, Tahna looked upon the scar that would shape her friendships, activities, and eventually, her entire life.
the story of how Tahna got her scar...unless I decide to change it in some way.
Corvus, Dahling, The HArris's in fact ALL of this, is mine.
The SquidButler inspired line is thanks to :iconsquidbutler:!
© 2014 - 2024 Karn-sama
Comments4
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QuirkyCuriousBex's avatar

Minus a few punctuation errors (particularly a lack of commas and an overuse of ellipses), this was a quite well written and fun read. It feels kind of Neil Gaiman-ish: dark, with a fantastical edge. I’d like to see more.

About the dialogue, it’s not bad but when it’s followed by a dialogue tag (he said, she said, etc.), you separate them by a comma instead of a period. Like so:

 “I’m not allowed to talk to strangers. Sorry.” She said quietly.

This should be written: “I’m not allowed to talk to strangers. Sorry,” she said quietly.

Also, the “a” should be capitalized in “a fire broke out in the building, most people are dead or seriously burnt.”

Just to help you out. :)